Face value

The action starts early at Egremont Crab fair this Saturday. The fair, which has been going since 1267, kicks off at 8am with the traditional erection of the greasy pole, covered in lard and topped by a leg of lamb for anyone adhesive enough to get that far up. If the thought of greasy poles at 8am is a little too much to contemplate, then later on in the day, the events will range from children's street racing and fell running, to a classic vehicle display, morris dancing and the parade of the apple cart, a13th-century tradition whereby the lord of Egremont would hand over part of his crop to the local peasants. Over 50 sideshows are promised, along with dog and ferret shows, and a spot of Cumberland wrestling. As darkness approaches and the town band takes over, the action takes on a more musical appeal, with horn-blowing and hunting song competitions, plus a clay pipe smoking competition. Rules? First one to finish his pipe wins. Strictly recommended for the horn blowing fraternity only. Finally, the highlight of the fair comes in the shape of the gurning championships. However, be warned, local competition includes a couple of world champions. Well at least they should be easy enough to pick out from the crowd.

Egremont Crab Fair, Baybarrow, Egremont, Cumbria (01946 821554)